she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
