fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
