what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
