I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
