Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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