ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
