somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
