We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
