Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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