my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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