We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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