I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
