first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
