hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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