real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
