M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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