He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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