I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
