my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
