I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
