I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
