i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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