...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
