Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
