I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How's work?
Spinning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
