mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
