No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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