I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
