He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
