I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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