Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
