i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
