i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
