If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
