yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
