1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
