Whoa Z and x make the same sound
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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