remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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