Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize