in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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