we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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