I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
