I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
