I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
