you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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