i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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