my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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