Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
