Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
