there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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