is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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