Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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