help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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