I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
