dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
