he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
