I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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