its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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