I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
