i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
