She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
