i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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