does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
