ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
