I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
