I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
